I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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