Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's shark week go big or go home
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
