If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
