I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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