Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
