everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
