hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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