M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
