i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
