I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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