make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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