My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
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I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
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We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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