Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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