I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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