i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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