I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
