I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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