Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
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One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock