I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter