I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.