It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work