Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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