and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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