its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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