I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
look no pants
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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