dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
