Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
