Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
