now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
