I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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