i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
