i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
