a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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