Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry jackwhamlin hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.

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(585): View more from New York

i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place

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(563): View more from Iowa

Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...

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(727): View more from Florida

Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?

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