I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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