we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
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Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
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I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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