I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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