i can't believe i had my finger in that
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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