he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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