4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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