honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
