your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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