he thought i was a dude.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
