I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
