My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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