M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize