I hope mine doesn't look like that
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
