If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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