toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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