waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
