So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
