1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I smell stomach acid.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
handjob tips. give me some.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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