what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
