bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
