dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i love accidental penises.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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