Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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