Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
