Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
