once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
