I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
