my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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