i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
