You really coming over, don't trick.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
