wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Only a mothe r could love this liver
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
