I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
