I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
