Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
